To communicate emphatically does not mean to refrain from saying what’s on your mind in a given confusing, awkward or frustrating contexts. Nor distort it to please the other.
What can help you to communicate with more empathy:
1. Be present with intention if you really want to understand the other’s part. When we respond it is usually from a space of desire to defend our convictions, show off, or outsmart the other; Do not forget the “truth” is always personal and subjective as the beauty- always in the eyes of the beholder; If you feel you are about to start arguing from a space of proving something instead of “hearing” and “seeing” the other one, just stop. So learn to stop and pause before answering. Focus on your emotions, feel them, what/how do you feel? Then start talking.
2. Watch your voice tone, use a calm, firm and convincing yet neutral tone. Remember the tone itself can be a manipulative and very judging tool when not used carefully or properly.
3. When providing a response be careful to address the facts, not the person. “You doing (X thing) made me understand that…” then ask for the other’s impression on your understanding. Maybe YOU missed something.
4. Ask in a collaborative way HOW things could end up differently in the future given similar contexts. Try to explain your reasons for believing in a better way. Ask what can you TOGETHER (or how can YOU help) do for a more adjusting for both parties outcome. The most annoying and demotivating thing to hear (or sense) from someone is being preached in a superior, arrogant way about the “musts” or “shoulds” of life.